i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
