It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
