Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
