I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
