Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
