dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
