so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
