dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Randomize
