I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
