Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
