for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
