Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Randomize
