He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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