I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
