so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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