i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
