she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
