the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
