We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
