were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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