Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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