You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
