bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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