but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
