Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
