Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
