dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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