Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
