if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
