don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
