I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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