I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
you never un-have a 4some
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
