he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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