I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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