there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
