I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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