Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
