This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
