I didn't shave. On purpose
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
