I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
