Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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