I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
