Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
