i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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