dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
