just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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