You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
