drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
