If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
