she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
