Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
