You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
